end of holiday

1 month of holiday just end like that.. alright.. it's my fault, not being able to use it wisely.. the more time you gave me, the more time i will waste...

well.. this holiday had been a hard time for me and my family.. each of our heart aches so much going through all these.. but i know, the person that suffer the most is not me, i am so relieve that the condition seems to get better by now.. i can now go back to penang feeling more relieved..

I had no idea that you had become so mature.. had such a strong heart.. you are so calm when all of us are crying.. when it is so scary and it makes me tremble, u are still as calm as ever.. the pain that u had suffer, i dont think i can imagine it.. it must have been like hell ya? i don't even wanna think about it..

but it is all over now.. the nightmare is over.. dont have to worry bout it anymore.. it is all fine now..

gotta go back to school on sunday.. haih.. although i am so unwilling to leave my home sweet home, but i gotta keep moving on..

i will be back again soon.. the next time when i'm back, it is chinese new year.. hehe..

will miss my family,my home,and of course, my frens here so much~

坚强吧

好想分担那彻骨的痛，

好想减轻那些痛苦，

好想找到解决的方法，

好想帮上一些什么，

好想看到阴天之后的彩虹，

好想有一天，

能够看到真正幸福的微笑。

当坚强的大树也挡不住狂风的时候，

我那微弱的力量也只能给它微不足道的扶持，

大树始终需要自己撑下去

就算狂风把树上的叶子都吹落了

那坚硬的根也要继续扎紧着土地

而我

就一直站在大树的旁边

累了，就让它靠一靠

大树一定要一直坚持下去

狂风之后

那棵大树就会是所有大树之中最强的大树了

惜福

很多时候，都不知道自己原来很幸福。遇到小事就怨天怨地，埋怨这个不好那个不好，这就是没用的我。看一看别人吧，遇到那么痛苦的事，还能好好的活着，隐藏着自己的痛不让任何人看见。而我呢？一点小事就大呼小叫，我像什么样了啊？

一点点小病痛就非得告诉妈妈不可，也没想过在远处的她会担心。别人呢？伤得那么严重也不愿透漏任何一丁点让父母知道，只怕他们会担心。而我，我为什么就这么不会想？？

自己已经很幸运了，不，应该是说的确很幸运，能够拥有完整的家，大家融洽的相处。只是，自己都不会珍惜，还时常埋怨。不会多点疼惜自己的父母，不会多点付出子女应有的本分。

我，看到了原来，藏在各个角落，有很多比我痛苦几百倍的身影。他们独自撑着，有苦说不得。坚强的外表，开朗的性格，让人根本就无法想像他们内心深处所承受的痛苦。

所以，请珍惜吧，我希望自己真的可以从这一刻开始，好好珍惜自己目前的生活。

我是幸福的，一定要惜福

SEMESTER 1

well i had finished my semester 1 in usm. This means that i had been in university for almost 5 months. Time sure flies doesn't it? I can still remember that day when i sat on my dad's car and passed by the penang bridge heading to usm, my heart is pumping so fast, and everything awaiting me is an unknown. It is hard to believe that, i had successfully survive. All of those worries before that seems to be useless now.
My 1st semester is pretty fun. I had make so much friends from my hostel, my coursemates, and also from the activities i joined in school. I realize the important of friends for me when i am away from home. They always helped me and we had so much fun together.
about my school work, well, i am kinda ashamed because i am not hardworking enough. looking at those of my coursemates, in which most of them came from matriculation, they are so hardworking! finishing every tutorial questions, studying most of the time. and if u seat beside them during exam, u will be in so much pressure because they keep on writing, while u dont even know how to start. Talking bout exam, gosh, i hope i can survive all of them. I think i did really bad in most of the paper.pray~~
other than my boring life of studying, i had also join society and activity in school. so happy to say that, i had make so many friends from that, and of course, i met my best friend there,hehe. Joining activities means a much busier life, but it is really fun. the activities in university is very much different than high school. I am currently in a committee organizing a camp, hope it will be a success :)
I am beginning to love Penang more and more by days, there are so many historical building here. Compared to the food, i love the building here more,hehe. And another i love is, the sea~~ staying at penang is great, because i can go to the beach at any time. for me, Penang is not much different than kl, just that, there are no lrt and monorail here. we travel to anywhere by bus. Touch n Go is only useful on highway.lol
hmm, this final semester break will end soon, i am currently lying comfortably at my home doing nothing, not even consider going for a part time job, i just wanna enjoy the moment at my home sweet home now. But the only thing is, i miss my friend.....

HOMESICK

It's been the 3rd month since i left my home and came all the way to Penang. I thought i am already get used to the life of being away from my family, living the life i want. But, no, i still will cry when i think about them, when i miss them too much.. i hope to go home now.. i miss the days when i play along wif my sis and bro.. i really miss them..
why do i suddenly act like this? well, i juz had a phone conversation wif them, they are so cute, i hope i can always be by their side..
I wanna go home, maybe i should really go back during study week..
Final exam is approaching, and after that, the 1st sem ends..
Can't believe this, i already make it through my first semester,wow..

HOME SwEEt HOME~

Finally i am home after 1 month of university+hostel life.. now that i am here in my home, everything that happened a month ago seems like a dream..so unreal.. i can't believe myself had make it through for a month already..
when i am there, i seriously miss my bed and everything here so much.. now that i am back.. wow, everything seems the same.. it's like i just went out of home for a day only and then come back..
there are so many things i did that had impress myself.. i don't know i can ride on express bus alone.. all alone.. from going to bus terminal and coming back to kl.. i done all these alone.. wow, finally i felt a bit like a 20 year old already..
20 year-old.. i cant feel the youth power before i enter university.. after the exhausting kem pimpin siswa organised by school, i join another camp organised by chinese society.. this is so not me..becoz i hate camp.. but i decided to join this camp because i wanna add some colour to my uni life that is rather dull.. and now the camp has ended, i am so happy and proud to say that, i am not regret joining it.. all the facie are so nice to us.. these senior are so nice, so funny.. we are so happy throughout the camp..and i had completely forgot bout assignment and everything in the camp.. it is all about fun.. and till now, i am still happy.. the feeling of going to class everyday is not as dull as before..becoz i had frens almost everywhere after this camp.. say hi here and there.. nothing that are so unfamiliar anymore..
Monday i'll leave this home sweet home again to continue on my journey in university.. hope i can discover more side of myself.. my life in uni will not just about academic.. i wanna explore more of the new things.. i think i had found ways to make my university life interesting.. i also started to think that there are benefit for me since university is far from home.. i had force myself to learn new things..i had train myself to become strong in heart..
so i'll come home often.. mum seems so happy to see me home.. hehe..

the university life

finally i manage to squeeze out time to update my blog.. there are so many stories to tell.. i dont know how should i start..
hmm..firstly.. my hostel.. unfortunately i got the old hostel unlike sze jie and sze min that can stay in the new one.. luckily..my hostel is at a strategic location..going to anywhere is very convenient..one thing is that, i cant believe i got 0 coursemate staying in the same hostel as me..hmm, my roomate is very nice, i am kinda close with her..but becoz she is very busy with her school programme recently, i am always alone.. never mind, sometimes i like the feeling of being alone..
secondly, my course.. yea, accounting which is a thing that is so unfamiliar to me.. i am so stress during the first class.. luckily i get to know some frens which is really kind to me.. i guess i am kinda relieve now.. step by step.. hope i can catch up with the art streamer one day..
third, assignments..is a word that is already approaching me at the first day of my class..group and individual assignments..so many that they are confusing me.. i hate group assignment the most.. need to wait for others..need to cooperate.. and i am the only one staying hella faraway from those group members.. guess i had to walk alone at nite if the discussion last for whole nite..
fourth, cats.. there are so many cats here all over USM.. no matter which cafeteria, which part of the building, which hostel.. there are loads of em of different colours and patterns that can scared me to hell.. i sleep earlier since i came here becoz i scare if i stay up late, i need to go to the toilet at nite, then i have a high chance of encountering them.. i always bungkus and eat in hostel becoz i cannot tahan sitting in the canteen seeing them walk around me.. i always said i wanna overcome the fear..but it seems so hard for me..
fifth, i am going to camp again.. this saturday..which is organise by the chinese society.. i hope to meet new frens there.. relax a bit.. and create some sweet memories for my uni life.. i dont want my 4 years of uni life to be spent only studying..i'll involve in society as well.. hope this wont affect my studies..time management is important.. yea, i know..
lastly, i am going back to KL soon.. to see my family and frens, and to sleep on my bed that i missed the most..next week i'll be back i guess..

it is finally here

later 6am, i gotta leave here already.. it feels so unreal.. i am not excited or anything.. i feel like dunno what am i doing right now.. this is not the time to think whether it is right or wrong already.. thousands of questions marks are appearing inside my head.. will i be able to adapt? will i make nice frens? will i be able to catch up with studies?.. many many things pass through my mind.. but i know now, most of my frens are heading to a place they don't know what it is like.. they are feeling tense too.. haih.. i oso dunno what the hell am i typing right now.. just got few hours to sleep before i step onto the journey.. again i wish myself all the best.. hope i am able to meet with nice frens.. able to do well in studies.. and of course, lower the rate of encountering with cats.. lol..
hope i can online there as soon as possible so that i can upload post about my life there..
for now..goodnight..

it is coming

Ya,the day is coming..this friday I will leave here..
wow, i didn't know that myself going to study will be causing such a big fuss..
my uncle treat me to a dinner and gave me a big angpau.. my kai ma also gave me angpau..my grandma too.. THE AMOUNT in all these angpau remind me that i should not give up my studies halfway if i couldnt get use to it there..st.john gang hold a farewell for me, ree ann did something special for me(thanks so much girl,i nearly cried)..wow,they all supported me so much and i don't think i am dare enough to give up and disappoint all of these people.. all these are the source for me to force myself to keep moving forward..thanks for encouraging and supporting me..I will try my best in everything and hopefully someday i can repay them with big angpau too ..

Separated

Just back from gathering of the Form 6 gang..looks like we will be dispersed to different parts in Malaysia..not just 各分东西，but 各分东西南北.. Wen Wei and Hong Giap to Sabah, Yee Teng and Chee Meng to Melaka, some to Pahang, some to Serdang, some stay in KL, me to Penang..all going to chase for their dreams, and are willing to suffer inside the dorm instead of staying comfortably in KL,this is how great dreams can be..i was like "wow" when i knew that hong giap, wen wei and another friend are going to Sabah without the accompaniment of their parents..Hope i can become as brave and independent as them someday(I even was nagging and getting furious when my mum said she'll just let me go to Penang with my dad)..
hmm..I know 1 semester won't be long and we will gather again very soon.. Hope the best for all of them and myself of course..
(too bad no picture was taken again during this gathering, gotta rush home to watch brazil vs portugal that time)

university

ya..I had been offered the course Bachelor's Degree of Accounting at USM Penang.. I had been thinking much b4 accepting it.. i don't wanna leave KL, the only city that is full of entertainment..KL,a place where I know all of my friends here..KL,place where my family will be here all the time..
So,why did i accept it in the end? well,first, I dun wanna lose the chance to enroll into university..which people stated as one of the best part of life..secondly, it's my first choice,i want that course,coz it had good prospect,m i interested in the course?not sure,had to study first.but 1 thing for sure is, i dont wanna work in a lab in future,i dont think it suits me,office life,is more of the kind i prefer..
BUT after accepting the offer,many things were coming to my mind..I realise i am a coward..I am so scared,so nervous till i can hear my heart pumping when i couldnt fall asleep at nite..well,i know many would laugh at me knowing this,but i couldnt help it,my biggest weakness AILUROPHOBIA(fearing for cats) is haunting me..why?coz most of the students would eat outside at foodcourt,which means getting along with those creature..can i survive that?when i am with my family,we can avoid going to those places,but with those fiends?am i expecting others to tolerate becoz of 1 person?NO!i should overcome it..i should..i hope i could..
other than that, living in a dorm is what my life all about after this..4 years..without ASTRO(which is essential to my life),maybe without access to some of the internet side such as youtube,facebook etc(ban by school),will i survive?
i had been CRYING few days before this..coz the most important thing that i cant let go is MY FAMILY.. till now, only i realise i had a strong bond to them.. i am extremely close to my sis and bro.we will laugh and share jokes together..singing kpop songs that only the 3 of us know..even for a day,i already miss them to death..yeah, i am a sentimental person..and it is a weakness..i keep telling myself to be STRONG..STRONG HEART is important when i am living alone all by myself..no more pa to settle things for me..no more mum by my side to let me discuss and talk bout conflict i had been facing..i am all alone..
it is a big change to my life.. my uncle said everyone had to grow up,somemore i am already 20 this year..yea,i havent even close to the word mature..it is a good chance for me to grow up..overcoming every obstacle..i will come back strongly and proudly after 4 years..BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND STAY STRONG, ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH!

teacher's life

i have always thought that,why someone wanna become a teacher? it is not challenging and not fun at all. My parents always encourage me to become a teacher saying that it is a very relaxed job and have constant income. I never thought of becoming one, i think it really waste my life as a human. Living in this world is about facing difficulties and challenges and overcome it one by one,this is what i call an exciting life. I don't wanna leave this world without doing anything GREAT.
being in a long school holiday now, finally i have the opportunity to become a part-time tutor and experience being a teacher for the first time in my life. Right, I am not a patient person,and I am extremely hot-tempered. But surprisingly, I show no signs of all these symptoms while being a teacher(well only once in a while when i am extremely pissed off by those naughty kids). Maybe because i know that these kids is not my siblings and have no blood-ties with me, if i act like a crazy women in front of these kids,i might be sued, who knows. Well, canning and scolding is unavoidable everyday for a teacher,this is the thing i hate the most,coz getting angry everyday will make me become older faster..
Back to the main topic,so,what did i get after teaching? well i realize this is really not an easy job as it seems to be. Responsibilities is important, you must also have determination to teach the kids in order for them to improve..You must always figure out each of the students weakness and try to think of your own effective way to let them absorb to your teaching..well, i guess i am still not that experienced enough to be lecturing bout all these right now..by the way, yea, i think being a teacher is worth to try as a part time or temporary job,the things that you learn and gain is not less than working in a big company..
so have i change my mind and will turn my path to become teacher in the future?..sorry to say,but not yet..i don't think i am suitable actually..i am not fun enough and strict enough to be the students' teacher,they are not afraid of me and treat me as though i am their sister something like that..this is not a good sign,i face difficulties in the teaching process becoz of this.. well,some of them are just too cute for me to scold them..i shouldn't like children that much..
Enough babbling..this is the 3rd month of my life as a teacher..and I haven't hate it yet..